Today I was eating lunch and the randomness of me being in Honduras dawned on me like never before.
I mean, I have wondered why I'm here, but today was different. Today I didn't have an answer. At least not right away.
One question led to many more...
1. Why do I live where I can't speak the language? I don't even have a great desire to learn
Spanish.
2. Why am I in Latin America? My real love is Africa.
3. Why do I spend so many hours and so much energy at a job where it honestly doesn't matter?
4. Why did I voluntarily sign up to work with high school students?
5. Why did I commit to working at the most disorganized, dysfunctional and greedy school I've ever seen?
6. Why am I teaching? I have no training for this!
... You get the idea.
Interestingly, as the day progressed, the weirdest memories popped into my head, answering that initial question that started this whole nightmare of thought.
I haven't figured out what is going to get me out of bed tomorrow, but each day is new. I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Hard times are unavoidable, no matter our location. The important thing in those times is choosing to remember better times. We cannot forget.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
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4 comments:
Oh Em, I have been feeling similar things lately and I completely feel for you! Love you!
em! i feel that. questions flood my mind...but i know that the coolest thing about our lives and who you are is that you just live and follow what the Lord gives you. he'll give you relationships, adventures, knowledge when you need it, just trust...i miss you. i want to come visit.
and i want you to know...the most amazing part the spirit you have is your ability to do anything with a heart of adventure. that's why i love you! (that and a hundred other things)
Sometimes it's better to not speak the language, just as sometimes it better not to speak. Much of what people say to us is to obligate us for their benefit, not ours. You sound like one of us generous souls who will only one belated day know the blessings of the word NO. Not even understanding the foriegn words that would coerce us into saying "yes" again is even sweeter.
Corruption, ignorance, colonial detritus, crime superstition, guns, selfishness, poverty, beauty, simplicity, children, ... why go all the way to Africa you seem to be doing much good right here.. be gentle with yourself
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